The Living First Amendment

Way back in the 1970s, a company published what they called "The Way" a.k.a. “The Living Bible.” It was the holy book “translated” into modern vernacular. Their reasoning was, if the Bible was easier to read and understand, perhaps more people would read it.

I thought about that book last month, as my Old Dogs & New Tricks cast mates recorded the above video, reading the First Amendment of the United States Constitution for the Committee for the First Amendment.

Click for a mini Old Dogs & New Tricks reunion!

It seems like a lot of people (mostly Republicans) who should know what the Amendment says seem completely ignorant of its contents.

Maybe they haven’t read it because their reading-comprehension skills are lacking. (Lord knows, their governing skills could use some work.)

So here is my version of “The Living First Amendment,” dumbed down for the GOP:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”

The government can’t designate an official religion. They can’t force you to go to church or punish you for not going.

“or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”

You can practice your religion, you can change it, ignore it, or quit believing it entirely. You can pray to God, or Santa, or the Tooth Fairy. Congress doesn’t get to supervise your faith or dictate how or what you worship.

In other words, separation of church and state!

“or abridging the freedom of speech”

You’re allowed to speak your mind. Even if you are critical of the government or current administration. So long as you aren’t threatening or encouraging violence, the government can’t shut you up just because it doesn’t like your opinions.

“or of the press”

Writers, journalists and bloggers can publish information, investigate power, and make officials uncomfortable, so long as it’s the truth. Causing that discomfort is constitutionally protected.

“or the right of the people peaceably to assemble”

Yes, we can! We can gather, protest, rally, and march together, and even record police actions. So long as you are peaceful, it’s protected – even if your signs are ugly.

“and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances”You can complain directly to the government about the government. Formally. Loudly. Over and over again.

In short, you may:

Believe freely (or not at all).

Speak freely.

Publish freely.

Gather freely.

Complain freely.

The First Amendment is basically the Constitution saying: “You don’t have to be quiet about how power treats you!”

I hope this clears up any confusion in the Republican Party. Now do your @#&!! jobs!

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