I Fall in Love with Xmas ... Again

Happy Holidays!!!!

It doesn't happen every winter. And when it does, I can never really tell exactly when it starts.

Because there's no seismic shift. No trio of ghosts visiting me in the middle of the night.

But suddenly — subliminally — I begin to feel it.

It’s back again. The Christmas spirit.

And each time, it feels the same way: Xmas is like falling in love.

The symptoms sure feel the same, don’t they?

There’s fluttering butterflies in the stomach.

The suspicious (and, this year, unwarranted) optimism.

The inexplicable willingness to smile at strangers (a habit I normally reserve for dogs).

And, of course, that totally uncharacteristic, reckless enthusiasm that convinces me that yes, I absolutely should start sending some cards, start shopping, contribute a bit more to charities, even attempt to bake some cookies (despite my husband begging me not to).

But it’s more than that.

First, the anticipation.

Falling in love changes you. You wake up before the alarm, and with a smile on your face. You check your phone more often. You find yourself humming without realizing it.

December brings the same energy.

You find yourself enjoying memories of holidays past, thinking of family traditions and rituals. You find yourself slowing down while driving to admire the lights and displays. You even consider — briefly and embarrassingly — wearing a red & white Santa’s cap to your next audition.

Going to the mailbox can bring daily surprises. Notes from old friends.

It’s that tingly sense that something wonderful is about to happen.

Second, enchantment.

When you're in love, the world gets a soft-focus filter. Yes, just like in the movies. Life slows down. You notice the little things. You allow that assh – I mean, that horrible Tesla driver – to cut ahead of you without screaming obscenities.  The chaotic noise of life almost becomes charming background ambiance.

To me, Christmas has the same affect.

Suddenly, Los Angeles, a city that drives me to the edge of madness the rest of the year, seems almost charming! The usually unbearably unstoppable sun now twinkles. The storefronts draw your attention. You find yourself willing to spend less time working and more time shopping online to find the perfect gifts.

You haven’t become soft. You’ve become enchanted. And enchantment forgives a lot.

And then, vulnerability.

Falling in love opens your heart and soul. It puts a spotlight on your secret hopes, your soft spots, the places where you want life to surprise you. Dreams begin to seem possible.

The holiday spirit does that too.

It softens the most cynical of us. (I’m talking about myself here.)

It coaxes out memories that warm our heart. Of when Mom cried when there was no snow on Christmas morning. Or when I almost got stranded driving home in a Christmas Eve blizzard 20-plus years later.

It gets us in touch with our inner child, that kid who believed in magic and that anything was possible.

Side effects may include generosity and sentimentality.

And finally, transformation.

When you're falling in love, you become a sunnier, lighter version of yourself.

If you let it, Christmas can do the same thing.

It turns “I really should call my old friend” into “Hello! Guess who this is?!”

It turns “I should volunteer this year” into “Hi, how may I help?”

It turns “This world is driving me crazy” into “Maybe, just maybe, I’ll just stop focusing on worries of the outside world, and put that attention on my family, my loved ones. Those in need. Maybe I’ll just enjoy and appreciate the relative peace and good of my life.”

“Maybe I’ll stay in the moment and enjoy my life.”

Isn’t that what falling in love feels like?

Both ask the same of us.

To slow down.

To open our hearts and minds.

To notice the beauty around us.

To believe in goodness and kindness (despite evidence of the country).

To embrace joy. To give of ourselves.

To remember that giving happiness is the best way to receive it.

So yes, almost every December, it happens.

And especially, this December, I am particularly grateful to be able to escape a bit, to fall in love with Christmas all over again.

And to be my best, gentlest self, at least for as long as I can.

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Whatever or however you celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful and safe holiday season!