Updated: Jan 9
For some time, I've badgered Twitter for answers to three questions, starting with this one:
"Why has every account I've ever had on your platform -- including those for Old Dogs & New Tricks and SUB-LEBRITY -- been shut down at some point without explanation?"
Well, official word has finally arrived from the bizarrely bearded Mr. Dorsey's dysfunctional company.
I am banned from Twitter. For life. Or, in their words:
Note that if you attempt to evade a permanent suspension by creating new accounts, we will suspend your new accounts. If you wish to appeal this suspension, please contact our support team.
Twitter being Twitter, they continue to ignore my other queries:
"What did I tweet (and from which account) that was so offensive as to ban me forever? And how do I appeal if you won't tell me what I'm appealing?"
I won't hold my breath for further explanation. I have a hunch, which I'll get to in a bit!
But first, in the interest of full disclosure:
For about ten years, I've had a love/hate relationship with Twitter. I recognize its power, although I never really mastered how to use it to maximum effectiveness. While it's great for self-promotion, it's also a bit of a cesspool of rage.
Still, as an actor and writer, I saw it as a necessary evil.
But then Donald Trump ran for President. He began tweeting hateful, outrageous lies practically every 20 minutes.
It was just too easy to respond, react, insult -- not only to him, but also his icky family, the sycophants in his administration, and the ass-licking Congressional Republicans as well.
As a result, Trump blocked me from his Twitter feed early in his campaign, way back in late 2015 (a fact that pleased my parents to no end).
But I kept at it. And at it. When they closed one account, I would create another. Then I used the accounts for my show and my book to "talk back" to Trump. Apparently, at some point, Twitter got wise and I was tagged as persona non grata.
But can we really blame Twitter for being oh, ever so protective of Trump? If Trump didn't exist, neither would Twitter. After all, he basically saved them from bankruptcy single-handedly!
Twitter stock had fallen 72% -- seventy-two percent! -- since its all-time high in 2014. Twitter wasn't even Pepsi to Facebook's Coca-Cola -- Twitter was the online equivalent of R.C. Cola or Shasta, and barely treading water.
But then, along came Trump, who "made Twitter one of his key speaking platforms, inspiring critics, traders, and supporters to follow the account avidly, trawling for clues on the administrations next steps .... that’s great news for the ailing social media company" explained Fortune magazine in its Feb. 2018 piece How Donald Trump Could Save Twitter.
But things may soon be changing a bit on the platform.
A while back, as they were bombarded with demands to delete Trump's account, Twitter changed it's rules for "world leaders, candidates, and public officials.” They were now exempt from most of the rules that govern the rest of us commoners in Tweetsville.
Obviously. Because Trump's constant lies, insults, conspiracy theories -- which would (and did) get any of us banned -- continue with only an occasional "warning label" slapped on his most outrageous tweets.
But after Jan. 20, 2021, Trump will no longer qualify as a "world leader" or "public official" (did you just say "Hallelujah"? I did!). His vile, malignant tweets will, supposedly, be policed like the rest of us.
So who knows? In a just a few weeks, Trump may find himself in the same boat as I!
Don't expect me to pull a hissy fit, like repugnant Republican queen Milo Yiannopoulos did when he was forced off Twitter, and claim that the platform is now doomed to extinction.
Bitch, please. I wish!
Alas, I fear we are stuck with the toxicity of Twitter for some time.
But Trump's possible absence would impact Twitter. Just on Oct. 30, Twitter's stock plunged 20% as investors began to ask "What happens if Trump loses?"
In any event, I am actually quite content to be blocked from that poisonous snake pit -- and relieved of the temptation to engage with its many deplorables. Because I expect Twitter's toxicity levels -- and the temptation to wallow in those toxins -- will only increase.
If Trump is cut off from his favorite toy, other vile monsters will just take his place, like a venomous, conservative hydra.
Or maybe they will all just move to Parler! Buh bye!
So, what horribly offensive tweet got me kicked off? I seriously have no clue. I've mouthed off a lot. And as I've mentioned, Twitter isn't exactly a font of information in this regard.
It may have been when I tweeted to Ivanka a photo of a naked Barbie doll and asked "Show us on the doll where Daddy touched you!"
Perhaps it was the many times I referred to Trump's wife as the "White House Whore."
Or maybe it was when I insinuated that praying wasn't the only time Paula White got on her knees for Trump.
It could've been all the bad-natured ribbing I gave the hideous Trump sons. One example: "WHO THE FUCK GETS BANNED FROM CHARITY WORK? People who steal from children's cancer charities, that's who! People like YOU!"
But my instincts tell me it was when I replied to one of Trump's most contemptable comments (who can remember which one now?) from the ODNT account with just two simple words:
Twitter instantly made like Ricky Ricardo, telling me I "had some 'splainin' to do!"
I sent them this screen capture, from the Oxford dictionary:
I assured them it was a common expression, a figure of speech. As demonstrative evidence, I even sent them an example from 1975:
No reply. And that was the beginning of their long silent treatment.
Now I ask you: Is "Drop Dead," in that context, any worse than the garbage our repugnant soon-to-be ex-President tweets on a daily basis? Worse than the insults to women and minorities? Worse than the conspiracy theories and flat-out lies?
Ah, how wonderful to have a new President starting Jan. 20!
And how delightful it would be, not to have Trump's constant, shrill Twitter-enabled bullshit driving the news.
Please, Mr. Dorsey, grow a caveman's courage to accompany your caveman facial hair, and finally -- FINALLY! -- stop playing hail to the chief, and start giving hell to the ex-chief!
UPDATE: On Friday, December 8, 2020 -- following Trump's incitement of the violent domestic terrorist mob that broke into the Capitol Building -- Twitter finally found its balls and banned @realDonaldJTrump permanently from the platform